oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
