i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
