Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
