Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
