you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I intend to get homeless drunk
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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