please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
