i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
