dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
