I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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