My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cockslap morals
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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