Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
