You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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