I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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