new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
the raccoons are back...
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