Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
