Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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