My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
