we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
