Porn is love you can see.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
