Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize