the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
