Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
