is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
