16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
