Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
