my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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