WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
