hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
