You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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