Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
