New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
COCAINE IS GR8
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
