It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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