Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
