Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
