Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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