As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
