so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
