so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
