That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize