i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So vagazzling was a success
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
