Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We smell like vodka and hangover
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