I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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