I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can you bring me the toilet please
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
