my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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