i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
