Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
