he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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