i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
