Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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