I just pynch a tree in the face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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