Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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