My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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