i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
