Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
