I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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