You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
