My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
