You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
