Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
