i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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