careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
