I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you bring me the toilet please
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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