guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
