if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Randomize
