Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
