I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
