I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
