What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize