I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
