The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
