I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
