He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
