so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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