you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
